Alien Affairs: Close Encounters of the Awkward Kind

Alien Affairs: Close Encounters of the Awkward Kind

Chuck Anderson

COLD OPEN. INT. ALIEN AFFAIRS AGENCY - CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Agent MAX THOMPSON, a seasoned agent with a wry sense of humor, stands at a control panel. LINDA RAMIREZ, a no-nonsense agent, and BARRY MICHAELS, a clumsy but well-meaning agent, are by his side. They monitor various screens displaying alien activity.

MAX

(into radio)

Agent Samantha, we're approaching your location. Keep a close eye on that containment unit.

The CONTROL ROOM DOORS slide open, revealing AGENT SAMANTHA PRICE, a bright-eyed and eager rookie, holding a clipboard.

SAMANTHA

(thumbs up)

Copy that, Max. All under control.

MAX

(laughs)

Famous last words.

LINDA

(teasing)

Don't worry, Max. I'm sure Samantha's got this.

BARRY

(nervous)

Uh, guys, look at screen three. Something's happening!

They all turn their attention to SCREEN THREE, where a strange-looking alien creature twitches in its containment unit.

MAX

(disbelief)

Oh no. Samantha, what did you do?

SAMANTHA

(puzzled)

I didn't touch anything!

BARRY

(whispering to Linda)

This is gonna be a disaster.

LINDA

(deadpan)

Welcome to Alien Affairs, Samantha.

The alien creature ESCAPES the containment unit, scurrying across the control room.

MAX

(chasing after the alien)

Get it before it wreaks havoc! Samantha, you owe us an explanation!

SAMANTHA

(determined)

I promise, I'll catch it!

BARRY

(trips and falls)

Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark.

LINDA

(sighs)

Barry, keep your eyes on the screens! We can't let the public see this!

They scramble around the control room, trying to recapture the mischievous alien.

CUT TO:

A montage of comedic scenes ensues, showing MAX, LINDA, BARRY, and SAMANTHA chasing the alien, bumping into furniture, and inadvertently causing chaos while trying to keep their secret intact.

INT. ALIEN AFFAIRS AGENCY - CONTROL ROOM - LATER

The team, disheveled and out of breath, stands in the center of the control room, holding the captured alien in a container.

MAX

(smirking)

Well, Samantha, that was quite an entrance.

SAMANTHA

(slightly embarrassed)

I didn't expect things to go this way. I swear, it won't happen again!

LINDA

(mockingly)

That's what they all say.

BARRY

(grinning)

Welcome to the team, Samantha. You've certainly made an impression.

MAX

(raising an eyebrow)

You certainly have a knack for stirring things up, kid. But remember, this is just a taste of what's to come.

They share a laugh, knowing that more alien encounters and hilarity await them.

FADE OUT.

ACT I, SCENE 1.

INT. ALIEN AFFAIRS AGENCY - MAX'S OFFICE - DAY

Agent MAX THOMPSON sits at his cluttered desk, flipping through a stack of reports. He looks up as the office door swings open, revealing AGENT SAMANTHA PRICE, brimming with enthusiasm.

MAX

(slightly amused)

Ah, Agent Samantha. Right on time. Ready to dive into the thrilling world of alien affairs?

SAMANTHA

(eagerly)

Absolutely, Agent Max! I've been looking forward to this since I joined the agency. I've studied all the protocols and procedures. I'm ready to make a difference!

Max raises an eyebrow, impressed by Samantha's enthusiasm.

MAX

(leaning back in his chair)

Well, that's refreshing. You'll need that positive attitude in this line of work. Just remember, things don't always go according to plan. Aliens can be unpredictable.

SAMANTHA

(nods)

I understand, Agent Max. I'm prepared for anything that comes our way.

Max glances at the stack of reports on his desk, then pushes them aside.

MAX

(smirking)

Good. Let's skip the paperwork for now. I'll show you around the facility, introduce you to the team, and give you a taste of what we do here.

They stand up, and Max gestures for Samantha to follow him.

MAX (CONT'D)

First stop, the observation deck. You'll get to see our visitors up close and personal.

They exit Max's office, walking down the corridor, passing agents bustling about.

SAMANTHA

(excitedly)

I can't wait to see the aliens! Are they all like the one we chased this morning?

MAX

(chuckles)

Oh, that was just the tip of the iceberg, Samantha. We've got all sorts of extraterrestrial beings here. Some are friendly, others... not so much. It's our job to keep the peace and maintain order.

They arrive at a large observation deck with a massive window overlooking a contained alien habitat.

MAX (CONT'D)

Welcome to the observation deck, where the real show begins.

Samantha's eyes widen as she gazes at the fascinating assortment of alien creatures, some peculiar, others awe-inspiring.

SAMANTHA

(amazed)

This is incredible! I can't believe I get to be a part of this.

MAX

(sincerely)

It's not your typical desk job, that's for sure. But it's not all fun and games. We've got a responsibility to protect both the aliens and the people of Earth. It's a delicate balance.

They continue to observe the aliens in their habitat, engrossed in the diversity of the extraterrestrial world.

As they stand side by side, Max can't help but feel a glimmer of hope, knowing that Samantha's enthusiasm might be just what the team needs.

MAX

(smirking)

So, Samantha, ready to meet the rest of the team?

SAMANTHA

(grinning)

Absolutely, Agent Max. Lead the way!

They exit the observation deck, heading towards the hub of activity where the rest of the Alien Affairs team awaits.

FADE OUT.

SCENE 2.

INT. ALIEN AFFAIRS AGENCY - OPERATIONS ROOM - DAY

The Operations Room is a bustling hub of activity, filled with monitors displaying surveillance footage, maps, and alien encounter reports. MAX and SAMANTHA enter the room, greeted by the team's technical expert, AGENT LISA PARKER, who is typing furiously on her keyboard.

LISA

(not looking up)

Welcome back, Max. And you must be the new recruit, Samantha. About time we had some fresh blood around here.

SAMANTHA

(excitedly)

Yes, I'm Agent Samantha Price. It's great to meet you, Agent Parker.

LISA

(smiling)

Just call me Lisa. We're not big on formalities around here. So, Max, what trouble did you get yourself into this time?

MAX

(grinning)

No trouble this time, Lisa. Samantha and I were just taking a tour of the observation deck. She's joining the team.

LISA looks up from her computer, her eyes widening in surprise.

LISA

(recovering)

Oh, wow! Welcome aboard, Samantha. We could use some fresh eyes and energy.

SAMANTHA

(thrilled)

Thank you, Lisa. I'm eager to learn and contribute.

As they talk, AGENT RYAN CARTER, the team's resident skeptic, enters the room.

RYAN

(sarcastically)

Ah, great. Another rookie. Just what we needed.

SAMANTHA

(cheerfully)

Hi, I'm Agent Samantha Price. Nice to meet you, Agent Carter.

RYAN

(raising an eyebrow)

We'll see if that enthusiasm lasts, Price. This job has a way of wearing you down.

MAX

(intervening)

Come on, Ryan. Give her a chance. Samantha has the potential to bring a fresh perspective to our work.

RYAN

(resigned)

Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.

As Max and Samantha settle into the Operations Room, LISA approaches Samantha with a mischievous smile.

LISA

(whispering)

Just a heads up, Samantha. Ryan might be grumpy, but deep down, he's not so bad. He just likes to pretend he's tough.

SAMANTHA

(smiling)

Thanks for the tip, Lisa. I'll keep that in mind.

The team continues their work, collaborating and exchanging information, while Samantha observes, trying to absorb as much as she can.

MAX

(to Samantha)

All right, Samantha, time to dip your toes into the action. We've got a potential alien sighting at a local amusement park. Let's head out and investigate.

SAMANTHA

(excitedly)

I'm ready, Max. Let's go!

They grab their equipment and rush out of the Operations Room, ready to face their first assignment together.

FADE OUT.

SCENE 3.

EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK - DAY

The amusement park is bustling with people enjoying various rides and attractions. MAX and SAMANTHA, wearing inconspicuous civilian attire, walk through the park, scanning their surroundings.

SAMANTHA

(whispering)

So, Max, how do we approach this? Do we start interrogating every person with a suspiciously green complexion?

MAX

(chuckling)

Not exactly, Samantha. We need to be discreet and gather information without causing a panic. Let's split up and keep an eye out for any unusual activity or behavior.

Samatha nods, and they split up, each heading in a different direction.

As Samantha walks through the park, she discreetly observes people and looks for any signs of alien presence. She passes by a roller coaster where a group of teenagers are getting off, their eyes wide with excitement.

SAMANTHA

(whispering to herself)

Could they be aliens? No, just thrill-seekers.

She continues her search and stops near a popcorn stand. Suddenly, a man bumps into her, causing her to drop her bag. The man bends down to help her pick up her belongings.

MAN

(apologetic)

I'm sorry about that. I wasn't looking where I was going.

SAMANTHA

(slightly flustered)

No problem. Thank you.

As Samantha retrieves her things, she notices the man's unusual mannerisms and a small device in his pocket emitting a faint glow.

SAMANTHA

(curiously)

Excuse me, sir. Is that a new smartphone model?

MAN

(surprised)

Uh, yeah. How did you know?

SAMANTHA

(slyly)

Just a hunch. It caught my eye.

The man quickly walks away, leaving Samantha intrigued. She discreetly takes a photo of the man and sends it to Max.

SAMANTHA (CONT'D)

(text message)

Max, I spotted a suspicious individual with an odd device. He seemed evasive. Let's meet up and compare notes.

Moments later, Samantha receives a message from Max.

MAX (V.O.)

(text message)

Got it, Samantha. Meet me near the Ferris wheel. We'll regroup and figure out our next move.

Samantha heads toward the Ferris wheel, her mind racing with possibilities and the thrill of her first potential alien encounter.

FADE OUT.

SCENE 4.

EXT. AMUSEMENT PART - FERRIS WHEEL AREA - DAY

Samantha arrives near the Ferris wheel, where Max is waiting, leaning against a pillar. The sound of carnival music and laughter fills the air.

SAMANTHA

(excitedly)

Max! You won't believe what I just saw. This guy had this strange device in his pocket, and when I asked about it, he got all nervous and walked away.

MAX

(raising an eyebrow)

Interesting. Did you manage to get a photo of him?

SAMANTHA

(showing her phone)

Right here. Take a look.

Max examines the photo, zooming in on the suspicious man.

MAX

(smirking)

Nice work, Samantha. This guy definitely seems fishy. Let's run a facial recognition scan and see if he matches any known alien profiles in our database.

Samantha and Max move to a quieter spot, away from the bustling crowd. Max takes out a small device and starts the scanning process.

SAMANTHA

(nervously)

What if he's an alien? What do we do?

MAX

(calming her)

We stay calm, Samantha. Our priority is to gather information and assess the situation. If he's an alien, we need to determine if he poses a threat or if he's just an innocent visitor from another world. We don't want to jump to conclusions.

SAMANTHA

(nods)

Right, got it.

Max's device beeps, indicating a match.

MAX

(excitedly)

Bingo! Our mysterious friend is indeed an alien. His name is Zorblar, a known intergalactic trader with no criminal record. Looks like he's just here for some interstellar business.

SAMANTHA

(relieved)

Phew! That's a relief. But why was he so evasive? And what's with that device?

MAX

(grinning)

Ah, that's where the fun begins. It turns out Zorblar is testing a new prototype universal translator, which allows him to communicate with different species. He was probably nervous about revealing such advanced technology to humans.

SAMANTHA

(amazed)

A universal translator? That's incredible!

MAX

(smiling)

Indeed, it is. Now, Samantha, let's approach Zorblar and strike up a conversation. Maybe we can learn more about his technology and even establish a friendly contact with his species.

Samantha takes a deep breath, feeling a mixture of excitement and nervousness as they approach Zorblar, who is standing near a food stand, examining Earthly snacks with curiosity.

They extend a friendly greeting, ready to engage in an unexpected and potentially humorous conversation with the alien visitor.

FADE OUT.

SCENE 5.

EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK - FOOD STAND - DAY

Samantha and Max approach Zorblar, who turns to face them with a mix of surprise and curiosity.

SAMANTHA

(trying to strike up a conversation)

Hey there! We couldn't help but notice your interest in Earthly snacks. Are you enjoying our carnival?

ZORBLAR

(slightly startled, using a translator device)

Oh, greetings! Yes, your snacks are quite intriguing. So many flavors and textures. My species rarely encounters such delicacies.

MAX

(smiling)

Well, you've come to the right planet for culinary adventures, Zorblar. I'm Agent Max Thompson, and this is Agent Samantha Price. We work for a top-secret organization dedicated to alien affairs.

SAMANTHA

(enjoying the moment)

We saw that device in your pocket and couldn't resist striking up a conversation. Mind if we ask about it?

Zorblar hesitates for a moment, then realizes they mean no harm.

ZORBLAR

(chuckling)

Ah, my translator device. It's an experimental technology I've been working on. It allows me to understand and communicate with different species across the galaxies.

MAX

(fascinated)

That's quite impressive, Zorblar. Language barriers can be tricky, but your device seems to solve that problem.

SAMANTHA

(curious)

Are you here on a specific mission, or just exploring?

ZORBLAR

(smiling)

A bit of both, Agent Samantha. I'm here to learn about Earth's culture, establish connections, and explore potential trade opportunities. Your planet has always fascinated me.

MAX

(interested)

Well, we'd be happy to facilitate any diplomatic or trade discussions you might have. Our agency promotes peaceful interactions with extraterrestrial beings.

SAMANTHA

(grinning)

Plus, we can show you the best places to try different Earthly snacks. You haven't truly experienced Earth until you've had a deep-fried Oreo!

ZORBLAR

(amused)

Deep-fried Oreo, you say? Count me in!

They share a laugh, forming an unexpected bond amidst the bustling carnival atmosphere. The scene sets the stage for a quirky alliance between Zorblar and the agents, opening up possibilities for future comedic encounters and adventures.

FADE OUT.

ACT 2. SCENE 2.

INT. ALIEN AFFAIRS AGENCY - CONTROL ROOM - DAY

The Control Room is a hub of activity with agents monitoring various screens displaying alien activities and incidents across the globe. Max, Samantha, and Zorblar enter the room, drawing curious glances from their colleagues.

AGENT JONES, a seasoned agent, approaches them with a mix of skepticism and amusement.

AGENT JONES

(raising an eyebrow)

Well, well, well. Look who decided to bring an alien friend to work. Hope you've got the proper paperwork for that, Max.

MAX

(grinning)

Relax, Jones. Zorblar is not just an "alien friend." He's a potential ally, and we're here to help facilitate any diplomatic and trade discussions he may have.

SAMANTHA

(excited)

And he's also here to learn about Earthly snacks. We're going to show him the wonders of deep-fried Oreos!

Agent Jones shakes his head, chuckling at their enthusiasm.

AGENT JONES

(sarcastically)

Ah, yes, the noble pursuit of intergalactic gastronomy. Well, don't let me stop you from expanding the universe's culinary horizons.

Max and Samantha exchange amused glances, appreciating Agent Jones' dry wit.

MAX

(turning serious)

On a serious note, we need to gather any relevant information on Zorblar's species, their intentions, and possible connections. Samantha, why don't you take the lead on that?

SAMANTHA

(nodding)

Absolutely, Max. I'll dig into our archives and see what I can find. Zorblar, if you could provide me with some basic information about your planet and culture, it would be helpful.

Zorblar nods and begins explaining the key aspects of his home planet, its customs, and the interstellar trade networks they engage in. Samantha takes notes, absorbing the information with genuine interest.

Meanwhile, Max heads to his office to handle administrative tasks and prepare for upcoming missions.

INT. MAX'S OFFICE - DAY

Max sits at his desk, surrounded by alien trinkets and files. He starts reviewing reports on recent alien encounters while contemplating the unique alliance forming between his team and Zorblar.

MAX

(to himself)

Who would've thought that a chance meeting at an amusement park would lead to this? We've got a long way to go in understanding each other, but maybe, just maybe, this could be a step towards building bridges between humans and aliens.

Just as he finishes his thought, Agent Samantha enters, holding a stack of files.

SAMANTHA

(excited)

Max, you won't believe what I found! There's a potential connection between Zorblar's planet and an ancient artifact discovered in a remote location on Earth. It's like something out of a sci-fi movie!

Max looks at Samantha, a mixture of curiosity and intrigue on his face.

MAX

(smiling)

Well, Samantha, it seems like our alliance with Zorblar is about to get even more interesting. Let's dig deeper into this mystery and see where it leads us.

They exchange determined looks, ready to embark on a new adventure while balancing the everyday chaos of managing alien affairs.

FADE OUT.

SCENE 2.

EXT. ANCIENT ARTIFACT SITE - DAY

MAX, SAMANTHA, and a small team of agents stand in front of a dig site in a remote location on Earth. The area is cordoned off with caution tape, and archaeologists are busy excavating a large, mysterious artifact partially buried in the ground.

AGENT JONES, AGENT SMITH, and AGENT GARCIA, familiar faces from the Control Room, join Max and Samantha, each holding a stack of research papers and equipment.

AGENT JONES

(peering at the artifact)

It's definitely one of a kind, Max. I've never seen anything like it in all my years here.

AGENT GARCIA

(flipping through papers)

According to the historical records, this artifact has been shrouded in mystery for centuries. No one has been able to decipher its purpose or origin.

Samantha approaches the artifact, her eyes filled with awe and curiosity. She examines the intricate carvings and symbols on its surface.

SAMANTHA

(whispering)

It's beautiful. It's like a puzzle waiting to be solved.

MAX

(grinning)

Well, Samantha, looks like we've got ourselves a mystery to unravel. Let's get to work.

The team starts setting up equipment, taking measurements, and documenting every detail of the artifact. They discuss possible theories and exchange ideas, their excitement palpable.

AGENT SMITH

(raising an eyebrow)

Do you think this could be related to Zorblar's planet, Max? It seems too coincidental.

MAX

(stroking his chin)

It's possible, Smith. We need to find out more. Samantha, see if you can cross-reference any similarities between the artifact's symbols and the information Zorblar provided.

Samantha nods and starts making notes, eager to dig deeper into the mystery.

INT. ALIEN AFFAIRS AGENCY - CONTROL ROOM - LATER

The team returns to the Control Room, bringing their findings and research to share with the rest of the agents.

Max addresses the room, their eyes fixated on him.

MAX

(energetically)

We've made some fascinating discoveries today, but we've only scratched the surface. This artifact could hold the key to understanding Zorblar's planet and its connection to Earth. Let's dive into the research and put our collective minds together. It's time to uncover the truth!

The agents nod, their enthusiasm reignited, as they prepare to embark on a thrilling journey of investigation and exploration.

FADE OUT.

SCENE 3.

INT. ALIEN AFFAIRS AGENCY - CONTROL ROOM - LATER

The agents sit around a large conference table, their eyes glued to computer screens displaying various research documents, images, and data related to the artifact.

Agent Jones flips through pages of alien texts, occasionally muttering to himself. Samantha types furiously on her keyboard, cross-referencing different symbols and patterns.

MAX

(peering at the screens)

Any progress, team?

AGENT JONES

(frustrated)

I can't make heads or tails of these symbols, Max. It's like nothing we've ever seen before.

Samantha perks up, her eyes widening with excitement.

SAMANTHA

(waiting)

Hold on. I think I've found something. These symbols... they might represent a container, a vessel of some sort.

Max leans closer to Samantha's screen, intrigued.

MAX

A container? But a container for what?

Just then, Zorblar, the friendly alien they encountered earlier, enters the room, holding a small object in his hands.

ZORBLAR

(excitedly)

I found it! The artifact you humans call "container" is a treasure indeed!

Everyone turns their attention to Zorblar, their curiosity piqued.

SAMANTHA

(leaning closer)

What's inside, Zorblar?

ZORBLAR

(beaming)

The pinnacle of culinary perfection! Earth food is good, but this... this is extraordinary!

Zorblar opens the container, revealing something that looks exactly like a deep-fried Oreo. The agents exchange surprised glances.

SAMANTHA

(astonished)

That's... an Oreo?

ZORBLAR

(adoringly)

No, it's not just an Oreo. We call it "galactic delight" in my language. This is a delicacy from my planet, and it's the most incredible thing I've ever tasted!

Zorblar takes a bite, savoring the flavors and textures with pure delight.

MAX

(chuckling)

Well, Zorblar, you've certainly discovered one of Earth's guilty pleasures. I'm glad you enjoy it.

The agents laugh together, the tension of the day melting away.

SAMANTHA

(raising her Oreo)

To the mysteries of the universe and the shared love for intergalactic snacks!

The agents raise their Oreo-like treats in a toast, savoring the moment of unexpected connection between Earth and Zorblar's planet.

FADE OUT.